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Half of all marriages wind up breaking up at some point and a lot of those relationships turn sour when a third party steps in between the two spouses. Being that other person can make your life really messy and bring in a lot of drama. What are you putting at risk to be with this person and is it healthy for you mentally and emotionally?
All relationships are difficult and being the girlfriend or boyfriend of a married person is no easier. This person is trying to be committed to you while they are (if nothing else) legally committed to another person. Is their marriage really over, or is that something that they’re just telling you? Unless this person is having their final meeting with the divorce attorney tomorrow, you are always going to be the number two in their world.
Unless this marriage is down for the count and has no signs of getting up you are going to be in for more drama than you should be able to handle. If sneaking around and trying to stay out of plain sight feels like a normal relationship, you may be in need of some serious re-evaluation of your top priorities. You may feel like you know this person better than their spouse does and that they take them for granted; however, if they are stepping out on their marriage they probably have a lot of issues with commitment.
If someone wants to have a committed relationship with you while they are still married, do you think they will have issues about walking out on you when the honeymoon ends? What do you tell your friends and family about your significant other who’s wearing someone else’s ring? You might find yourself in a world of drama you didn’t expect. If the spouse doesn’t know their marriage is on the rocks and you and your date get caught, a world of embarrassment is coming your way when you suddenly find yourself face-to-face with the betrayed spouse that just confirmed their worst suspicions about their marriage.
Now the wife/husband knows. That would be the hard part if they didn’t already. Your forbidden relationship is now going to take its most dramatic turn. One relationship is going to end. Yours is one that can end without legal arbitration, so hold on to your seat because you’ve done everything you can. The worst part about being the third person in a marriage is that the ball will never be in your court. You will always be subject to the whims and fancies of your married partner. Having your relationship come out of the wraps may drive your forbidden relationship out of existence.
If the marriage dissolves then all the contemplation and worrying was for nothing. Now you’re just dating a person that has a little extra baggage. Dating a person who is otherwise committed doesn’t allot you a lot of breathing room, but if you are truly in love with this person, then the argument is over. You’ll fight to be with them all you can.

You lock eyes with someone from across the room. They start to drift through the cloud and you decide to meet halfway and slide back over towards the bar along the far end of the room. The conversation that starts between you is almost as good as your new friend looks. The rest of the night starts to play out in your mind (there is very little rated PG involved.) Your mind stops short when you see it. Just as they reach up to grab the drink the bartender brought the spot light above you catches the solid gold band on their left hand. A simple question confirms that your new friend is married, but they aren’t really concerned with that fact right now.
The information implied by your friend’s choice of jewelry can be cause for some concern. The most apparent fact is that you are now a cross roads. Do you just keep your mind on the conversation and forget about where you saw the night going past the club’s doors? Or do you turn the blind eye on your friend’s apparent marriage because it’s none of your business? Your next few decisions can have a great deal of impact.
Their marriage is none of your business. You’re not saving anyone’s marriage by standing on a piece of moral high ground with them. Whether this person is out for a night on the town or this is a serial practice, they are most likely not leaving the club alone. It’s not like you’re going to be part of a full blown affair. You don’t know their spouse and you’re not the one who’s married so you’re not really hurting anyone or committing any kind of wrong. You like them, they’re real fit and all, so why not take a chance and see where this night could go? It could be fun.
On the other hand, you’re wandering into someone else’s yard. Just because the gate is open it doesn’t give you any kind of right to be there. This person is out on the scene obviously trying to pick someone up and didn’t have the common courtesy (or is too forgetful) to even take the ring off. Is that the kind of person you want to spend the night with? What if the relationship does move past this passionate night out and you do become that “other person?” How awkward is it going to feel if you get confronted by this person’s spouse or wind up seeing your face blanked out on some kind of hidden camera show? Maybe it is the “right” thing to just say thanks for the drink and catch back up with your friends. There are classier ways to end your night than being an accessory to adultery.
A night out is a night out and how you end those nights is up to you. If you don’t feel like ending them alone give some thought to where your decisions can take you. While there is nothing more exciting than spending some nights making spontaneous, passionate decisions, the impact those decisions can have are not always as insignificant as they seemed at the time the decision was made. Be adventurous but always step with caution!
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