When it’s Over – To Friend or Not to Friend?
June 17th, 2009
Some end tragically and messy and others just burn out and fade away. The one overwhelming thing that all finished relationships have in common is that they’re all over. When the smoke clears and the dust settles there is often a good deal of assessing to do just to realize where everyone stands.
If this was a long term relationship that failed there might be a good deal of possessions to re-exchange. CD’s, clothes, sentimental gifts you can’t stand the sight of anymore, and all those pictures you may or may not have laying around need to find their way back to your former sidekick, into a shoebox in your closet, or to the bottom of the dumpster behind Wal-Mart. Whether you can hold on to your old mementos is really up to you; however, the one big question that lies at the end of every break-up speech is “Can we still be friends?” We all want to think it can be true because it seems like the right thing to do; however, it is not always in everyone’s best interest.
Of course if your break-up is full of violence and carnage you’ll answer that question with a resounding “no”; however, you might consider it again after all the initial anger fades away. You should remember that under the relationship and all the rest you still had a friendship as well. Working through all the issues that made the two of you terminate the relationship in the first place accompanied by the task of transitioning from a romantic relationship to a platonic relationship is no small task. If you can move on, you may find that you’ll be able to establish a friendship with someone who knows you very well.
Keep in mind that this process can take a long time and often the previous relationship must be completely terminated before a new friendship can start. Keep in mind that you may not want your previous baggage following you around when you try to move forward in life. Just because you may have made a decent pair at one time doesn’t guarantee that you can transition into a functioning, healthy friendship.
Keep all of these ideas in mind when deciding to invest yourself further into a relationship or cut your losses. Sometimes it will be the case that no matter how much time has passes or how much progress seems to have been made; the wounds will always be too fresh to be anything other than exes. Regardless of what you may want to unfold, attempting to forcefully influence the progress and growth of these can also leave you out in the cold. Just let things take their course and make sure you have your best interests in mind without hurting your former significant other.
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