Can “Friends with Benefits” leave you without friends and without benefits? Read this story to know :
John and Alicia are good friends and they know it couldn’t possibly turn sour. They aren’t like the people who allow a valuable platonic relationship come to a tense, violent end. It’s just for now because it will be fun and when something else comes by life can move on. That is a great plan until two months, a new girlfriend, and a pregnancy scare later, John and Alicia are pretty sure they’ll never spend a night together- even with their clothes on.
A few things need to be considered (with real, actual thought) to give yourself the best chances of enjoying your casual (meaningless?) sexual relationship.
• How much do you value the friendship of your new partner? Are they the kind of friend that you always call on their birthday or are they someone you kind of see around every once in a while?
• Like any good plan, you’ll need a decent exit strategy. “We were friends with benefits and then we decided to get married.” Is not a story you want to tell your grandkids. If you think you could ever want to be with this person try to give a real relationship a fair shake.
• One of the most important parts of that is making sure that you’re not trying to change their mind. If you offered faceless sex but are hoping for them to swoon for you while the two of you emotionlessly bang each other you might want to stop right there. That goes both ways too. If you suspect they might be itching for you fall for them it is in your best interest not to pursue it. Are a few nights in the sack worth securing months of messy confrontations with a dedicated stalker?
• Keep monogamy off the menu. If your goal is just the sex, spread the love around. You’re going to want to keep the message clear with your partner too. If things are as casual as they’re implied by the title everything should be just fine. Don’t try to show too much commitment to your casual partner. It keeps things in check and lets you know when things might be getting too heavy.
The main factor in establishing any type of casual relationship is risk. You’re wagering the friendship you have (and can have) against sex. You may not lose your friend, but what is guaranteed is that the dynamic of your relationship will be drastically changed. Experiences cannot be given back. While you might see the opportunity to experience a friend you enjoy already sexually as a golden opportunity, you’re not guaranteed to win in the end.
The problem arises because the idea is often too perfect to resist. The situation tests the foundation upon which all relationships and friendships are based on. Trying to keep something casual when feelings are potentially getting involved can be nearly impossible. Real friendships mean that both members care for each other’s feelings and that can be really hard to accomplish when you’re keeping it casual.